


I don't know why

by ChocoNut



Series: Many ways to say I love you [91]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 7x7, After the Dragonpit meeting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, JBO Advent calendar 2020, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28090335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoNut/pseuds/ChocoNut
Summary: Brienne tries hard to keep her hands from trembling. “You came here at this ungodly hour to apologize?”He goes all stiff, but his gaze retains its softness. “I don’t know why, but you’re the only one I’ve ever apologized to.”ORA romantic meeting the night after their dragonpit argument.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: Many ways to say I love you [91]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1234904
Comments: 17
Kudos: 90





	I don't know why

**Author's Note:**

> Since the 15th of December is not over yet, I thought why not another little contribution.

When he pulls down his hood, her heart forgets to beat for a moment. 

“Lady Brienne.”

When his voice gently beats against her ears, she’s as weak-kneed as any love-struck maiden swept away by the mere presence of the handsome knight she fancies might be.

“Ser Jaime,” she greets him back, patting her nerves down, telling herself that this covert visit in the middle of the night means nothing. That his voice nor face has no trace of the severity he’d shown her that morning lifts her spirits, but she knows not to get her hopes too high. “I heard Lord Tyrion has convinced the Queen to help us.”

He nods, blinks away, rapid and restless, just like she does when there’s too much clogging her chest. “Would you not ask me to come in?”

She steps back, does him that courtesy, and when he’s on her side of the door, he pushes it shut with haste. “What brings you here?” she asks, when he’s rooted to his spot, unusually quiet. 

“I don’t know why, but I can’t sleep a wink,” he begins to explain, his eyes shining with—whatever it was that she’d seen at Riverrun. “I suppose, I owe you an explanation for my brusqueness this morning.”

Brienne tries hard to keep her hands from trembling. “You came here at this ungodly hour to apologize?”

He goes all stiff, but his gaze retains its softness. “I don’t know why, but you’re the only one I’ve ever apologized to.”

She can’t help the little smile creeping up her lips. “Is this your way of telling me—”

“Yes, I’m apologizing.” Her smile melts away when his voice goes suddenly deep and low, just like it had been that day in the bath and he closes the gap between them. “I had to act the way I did because I feared Cersei might have you ripped to pieces if she got wind that I—”

“—that you… what?” she prompts, when he stumbles with the rest of what he’s here to say.

“Never mind.” He turns to leave, but before he can make it to the door, he retraces his steps. “Have you ever found yourself absolutely unable to turn down someone?”

She recalls Renly, what seems like a previous life. “It’s not specific to you. Most of us find ourselves in that position at least once in our lives.”

“Have you ever felt the need to fiercely protect someone, guard them with your life?” He glances at his feet then looks up at her again. “I don’t know why, but I’ve never been this worried about anyone’s well-being before.” 

A horrible image of a dragon reducing him to ashes pays her head an unwelcome visit. “I’ve felt the same,” she agrees, remembering how relieved she was when she knew he’d made it back to the capital in one piece.

“Do you believe in dreams, my lady?” he continues in the same indirect vein. “Have you ever yearned for them to come true one day?”

The Red Cloak adorning her shoulders has its place in her mind like the stars belong to the sky, but Cersei’s pretty face looms over the pleasant vision, reminding her that dreams are dreams and nothing more. “Fantasies and wishes have their place, Ser Jaime,” she replies, knowing her place in his life and that of the woman in his. “To be locked into the mind, never to be spoken of—” 

He takes her hand, his sudden breach of an invisible line taking not just her, but her heart too by surprise. “What if those dreams could be made to come true, wench?”

The earnestness in his suggestion urges her to believe she isn’t in one of her dreams again but a corner of her warns her to tread carefully. “You’re loyal to your house, your sister—”

“I don’t know why, but I’ve never really thought I could _fuck loyalty_. Not until—” His fingers slip into the gaps between hers. “Before Tyrion even approached her I spoke to her—” he chuckles “— _at_ her, rather, until she got sick of me—”

“Ser Jaime—”

“I don’t know why—” he lets go of her hand to stroke her cheek “—but I can’t really bear to disappoint these eyes.”

She blinks, unsure how to react. “Is this—”

“—the truth and nothing but that, Brienne.” 

His eyes don’t lie, that she’s noticed before. They never did when he lavished her with contempt, nor did they bother to conceal his compassion, defying his sarcastic tongue when he gave up his hand and very nearly his life for her. 

“Your eyes, Brienne,” he gushes, kissing them with the affection in his. “They’ve paid more visits to my dreams than I could deal with.” 

She can make out this is his way of _dealing with it_ , yet she craves for more, yearns to hear more of it. “Is this some sort of a proclamation of your feelings?”

“The nakedly blatant pleas of my heart.” His thumb feels at home on the tender skin beneath her ear. “Bare. Unsheathed, for you to do with as you please. Although—” he brings his stump to her waist “—I’d be quite comforted with the knowledge that you share my plight. I don’t know for how long—” He pauses to travel through her eyes, to attempt to uncover the secrets she's hidden in her heart. “But somewhere deep down, I’ve known for a while. I’ve been wondering, been probing my mind, seeking answers until I could finally work up the courage—” his voice begins to strain and crack “—to seek you.” 

“I’m in the same boat as you,” she joins him in the confession. “I don’t know why, but I’ve never really been able to get over you, Ser Jaime. And it hasn’t been due to lack of trying.” Their impending parting, however, clamps down on her joy. “But come dawn, I will be gone—”

“—and I shall follow you soon, my lady.” He smiles, letting her into his mind to catch a glimpse of his beautiful dream. “I don’t know why I held back at Riverrun, but I can’t wait anymore to be with you, to where our destinies lie.”

“Is that a promise?” she asks, leaning into his touch.

He shakes his head. “A proposal.” His fingers slide down his arm to engage with hers as he edges his face to hers, the brush of his lips against hers kindling in her a _something_ she’s never known before. “Sometimes all you need is a hand to hold, my lady.” He covers her mouth with the gentlest of kisses as his fingers bond with hers. “One that will never let go of yours—” he pulls away to look deep into her eyes “—not even if you’re dangling from a pit, facing your doom.”

She’s too swamped by her emotions to answer, but there’s one thing she’s been wanting to do. She unfastens his golden hand and pulls it out. “A hand to hold,” she softly agrees, grasping his stump. 

“My lady—” overwhelmed, he clears his throat “—I will never let go—”

“Nor will I,” she whispers, caressing the scar he’s borne for her. 

When he kisses her this time, it is not the chaste gesture of courtship a lord would try to charm his lady with. 

When he murmurs a reluctant goodbye, she knows she doesn’t want to let it be one. Not just yet. Not tonight. She stops him at the door with a tug of his hand and a shy, “Stay with me.” 

Those intense emerald eyes hesitate—he’s worried he might defile her, but when she allays his concern with a smile, his face lights up, setting her alight, leaving her grappling with sensations she’s never known she can feel.

And when Jaime takes her hand and leads her to the bed, there are no _I-don’t-know-whys_ nor any other questions between them anymore.

Dreams are not dreams anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the sugary fluffiness.


End file.
